Category: Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities

Domain 1: Planning and Preparation, Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities, Personal Learning

Boundaries & Buffers

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Take yourself back to the moment you felt that rawness and vulnerability that chose you in place of you choosing it. The moment that got away from you and left you wondering how you got there. When your perception of the moment was a bit skewed and possibly left you feeling unrelatable to others, your emotions started to waver, and you wondered, how did I get here? 

It is the moment you realize you have left yourself open in a way that takes its toll. You know that feeling when your neck grows tense, and you feel your arms stiffen. You can feel the strain straight through your body. You take a deep breath. But when you exhale, in place of relief, you feel the weight stacking up even higher, the kind of weight that has no measure. You think that you are holding it together, but the reality is that you are shoving your feelings down, way down. Then the day comes, and the most insignificant thing breaks you. You feel like you were set up for failure because you had been keeping it together for so long. Why now? Why the break? But maybe the bigger question is, what led you to this point? 

Recently, I was engaged in a conversation with colleagues across the country, and we were discussing various needs within education. We even took the risk in talking about practices we need to question or possibly leave behind. When thinking about what we need most, and that of our children, students, and community alike, I referenced boundaries and buffers, something that I learned from an incredible person and resource in my life, Rogna Jurecko.

I refer to Rogna as my life coach, not because I fear calling her my therapist, but because she has coached me through life. 

Rogna and I share a passion for the Highmark Caring Place, a place for grieving children and their families. It wasn’t until the incredible loss of my beautiful mother-in-law that I found myself reaching out looking for support for my family and me in the same space I had given comfort to students and their families for decades. Grief was breaking me. Her impact was endless. But if I am truthful with myself, I don’t know that I created a strong enough foundation to see me through such devastation. Rogna recognized my needs, she saw me, and she knew I needed boundaries and buffers.

What do they look like?  

How do we create them?  

Why are they necessary? 

Boundaries and buffers weren’t a suggestion. It was an area that I lacked and needed to gain control of in my life. They were within my reach, but I had to recognize them for myself. At one point, Rogna started the conversation. She told me I needed boundaries and buffers. With a brief explanation and a focus on the problematic areas, I found myself in a moment of realness. 

What had I done? 

How did I get there? 

What was I going to do to move forward? 

Creating boundaries and buffers opened up doors, helped me to see possibility, and restored my hope, and yes, faith, which led to an incredible amount of learning. Here are my takeaways:

My interpretation of boundaries: Giving yourself a space that has rules and limits that you can thrive within. Being able to say no, without apology, yet being open to yes, when the moment is right for you.

Three reasons why we need boundaries:

  1. They keep us safe: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 
  2. They keep us focused on what is important to us. We must remember that there are only 24 hours in a day. Yes, we do need to sleep!
  3. They are critical to our needs.

To me, buffers are what keep me healthy in all spaces. They help me to reduce my chance of hurt and pain. Here are my personal top 5

  1. The right to my time
  2. The ability to leave negative energy
  3. The ability to know where my limits exist
  4. Say no
  5. Releasing myself from judgment

What boundaries do you need to thrive? Make a list of the problem areas in your own life. What can you do to keep yourself safe in all capacities and all spaces? What buffers can you create to give yourself permission to maintain your boundaries?  Self-awareness is vital. I challenge you to make a list of areas problematic for you. Clarity brings comfort. Hold yourself accountable… you matter!

Remember, if you need a lifeline, there are experts that are waiting in the wings to help.  Reach out. I did. 

Domain 1: Planning and Preparation, Domain 2: Classroom Environment, Domain 3: Instruction, Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities, ISTE Standard for Educators, Personal Learning

Social Media is the New Handshake

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The beauty behind social media is that it is a built-in handshake ready to be embraced. It creates a connection far beyond the boundaries of city limits. With every handshake comes an opportunity. It creates a space for introduction, conversation, and the potential for growth. Social Media is constant, and yet forever changing. It has superseded all expectations and continues to spotlight its original intent to connect people. It is used in a professional capacity, creating a space for learning, and reaching a network that spans the globe. It is right there in front of you… now, what will you do?

Extend Your Hand

Go ahead, just do it! From the moment you create your first account, you begin the journey of building your very own Professional (Personalized) Learning Network (PLN). Twitter is a great jumpstart in Social Media, an energetic experience that intensifies with each connection. Each click to “follow” is a connection to someone that is willing to share. It is remarkable to have this unique opportunity to build a space that you can grow in on your own time with the amount of positive energy needed and bandwidth that you possess. You will be introduced to a group of people to learn and share ideas with… a space to feel nurtured in, inspired, respected, and ultimately gain unlimited knowledge.

Impactful Handshake

Unlike years ago when we could walk into a district office and shake hands with a possible future employer, we must now extend ourselves through a digital world with little to no personal contact. With every click of a follow, an impactful handshake is given. It is an introduction to an administrator or future colleague. It is a new resume created with each post, a pre-interview with every chat that helps you to reflect on current practices, a digital footprint that shows your bravery and respect, a glimpse into your classroom, and your WHY all rolled into one! It is your handshake! It is a space to connect with experts in a wide range of fields beyond a personal knowledge base. This is where to be in today’s educational field, shaking hands with the world!

The impact of being a connected educator is truly limitless!

Benefits of a PLN

  1. Connections to people/groups/expertise both in and out of education. Simply start by following just one person. You can then see who they follow. Or type in a grade level or subject that may connect you to a specific space. Let me be that one person for you, I’d love to connect!
  2. Specialized resources tailored for you and your students
    • Professional Development that is personalized to your needs. Many educators offer free workshops. Once you find something that fits your need, you may then want to invest and dive deeper into a course. It is truly a limitless space!
    • Jump over to Facebook where Bitmoji Craze Educators rallied together to provide a free space for all educators. Many of these educators have their own website where they offer free downloads to get you started.
    • Connect to authors and a wealth of innovative practices. Go one step further and join a book study with them! Get started on your journey with #Read2LEAD
  3. Share your wealth… never underestimate your worth… your ideas… someone needs them! Impact as many students as possible by sharing your own best practices!
  4. Inspiration at your fingertips: blogs, podcasts, websites, videos, articles, interviews, and much more… an a la carte experience!
  5. Endless support… just post what you need and tag a couple of educators. If they don’t have the answer, they will connect you with someone who does!
  6. Break down the walls for yourself and your students! Give your students an authentic audience beyond your grade level, create a global hallway!

Remember, it isn’t about having all the answers, rather extending your practice to gain access to them!

Twitter 101:

Class Twitter Account

Beginners Guide to Twitter

Weekly Twitter Chat Times

Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities, Personal Learning

Stabilizer

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Can you even imagine how every child could feel if we were to take what they are facing and turn it into an opportunity? When in life can you be handed the perfect storm of uncertainty to build such grit and resilience, blended with hope? This CAN happen AND through it, we have the ability to be a positive influence. What our children need is stability and we can be their stabilizer! The way that we become a stabilizer is by recognizing, owning, planning, and in the end, taking action for the betterment of every child!

Recognize

First, we need to recognize that it is our adult responsibility to do everything within our power to keep our children stable or steady.  This is the moment that we as adults should feel empowered by our knowledge, experience, and wherewithal to create impact. In addition, we need to execute and take hold of our opportunity to have a positive impact through our own words and actions.  

Ownership

Next, we need to recognize that we do have options and a larger sense of control than we always accept and project. This is the space that we take ownership of… not a space of blame.

Plan

Then, we need to plan. In order to start being a stabilizer, we must stop a few very basic things from happening that we actually are in full control of within our space. These are not limited to the 3 Step approach I lay out below in “Take Action”, but it is a starting point. I am simply pointing out that they belong to adults and not to our children! There is no doubt that I may get pushback on this by some that say they do not feel we should hide information from our children. However, the research suggests otherwise and children need us to protect the developmental process that they are naturally going through. Keep in mind I am talking about keeping the focus on our children so in turn, we must be the adults that they deserve.

Take Action

Finally, adults must take steps to stop the negative impact, in order to make room to start the positive.  Here are three simple steps that every adult can put into action to become a stabilizer for children:

Step 1

Stop blaming others… If we want to raise our children to be accountable for their own actions, we must stop planting the seed that so much of their lives is to blame on others. This only steals their own power and sense of control that we should be nurturing. 

Step 2

Stop and think… is this conversation going to lead to betterment for my child? Should I ask them to leave or maybe wait until they are in bed? They do not need to know everything and yes, it can have a negative impact on them to know too much at an inappropriate age. 

Step 3

Stop talking about their “new normal” and embrace the change that is in front of you.  No one ever said that we had to agree with it, but we must find our way through it. Simply put, we are not going to be given a pass to go around it.  Change is the one constant that we can depend on in life and we must help our children learn how to navigate it while we are still able to do so alongside them. Not only does this help them understand that life will always evolve, but that our own resilience will grow stronger with each encounter. 

Reframe

Reframing our focus and taking on the responsibility to play a pivotal role is imperative.  Let me share with you a time that my husband and I had to create an opportunity out of what felt like a complete nightmare that was out of our control.  

As many of my readers know, my son Trent has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  I remember when he was 8 and his worst fear was a pandemic. I remember thinking to myself, how does he even know what a pandemic is at the age of eight?  And why did the world teach my sweet boy this huge fear?  I also remember the reassurance we gave him reminding him that it was so unlikely he would ever have to live through one.  It was almost like the reassurance we gave him was the open conversation we should have kept to ourselves, along with the quick reaction I had to blame the world for this fear.  That reassurance came from a space of love wrapped around what we felt was our reality.  For Trent, reassurance did not build resilience but brought about the need for more. It fed his OCD and in turn gave him less control and again built more resentment.

This open and ongoing conversation never built up his character so we knew we had to move on to a better plan. One that would empower him.  One that created an opportunity for us to be his stabilizer, keeping him steady while he navigated life’s constant change. And so we did.

Refocus

The unlikeliness of a pandemic kept us from facing some fears head-on, until now. That unlikeliness turned into certainty all these years later and what once would have broken him, became the ultimate test of his growth and strength. He is now 18 and has reframed OCD in his life. What was once a debilitating illness has now been refocused into strength and has even become his own positive stabilizer. He no longer looks at life’s struggles as an unfairness to a situation, and he holds himself accountable in the moment without letting it define his future. In place, he has stretched his mindset, developed grit and resilience, and has hope for a better tomorrow.

What will you do with this perfect storm of uncertainty? Can you even imagine how every child could feel if we were to take what they are facing and turn it into an opportunity?

Domain 1: Planning and Preparation, Domain 3: Instruction, Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities, Personal Learning

Connected and Networked

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Two weeks ago was just like any other ordinary week for me. My connection to the world was strong and in full force.  I was looking over the color-coded excel spreadsheet my husband made that meticulously listed my children’s upcoming sports practices and game schedules.  There were so many things running through my head. I sat there trying to figure out how to be in two places at once. Who would I need to connect with to make it all happen? How could my networking help balance the perpetual to-do list?  I knew I needed to start by making the necessary carpool plans. Then my mind shifted to visiting my Outlook calendar to check for upcoming meetings. I was excited to squeeze in time with my team to collect more raffle donations from local businesses in preparation for EdCampLI After Dark.  I thought about the hundreds of new books I had to inventory and distribute to teachers’ classrooms and the shared level libraries within the buildings I work in. I needed to make this happen so that all students could have immediate access to them. On top of all of this, I was also feeling a bit stressed, but extremely enthusiastic about gathering all of the materials and revisiting the research around the topic I was going to share and present at the Lilac/Nassau Reading Council 2020 annual conference. 

The Puzzle 

While all of these responsibilities were stacked in piles in my mind, like puzzle pieces are thrown together in a box, I could visualize the big picture clearly. Each time I connected those pieces, I could feel the tension slowly release. You know the feeling you get when you put the last piece of the puzzle in the picture?  You breathe that sigh of relief and feel incredibly accomplished for the hard work that was put in to commemorate that moment. I COULD make this happen and I WOULD!  

Professional Playground

At the same time, I found myself insanely dedicated to listening to the messages in the #AllinEDU Voxer Book Study (Voxer: an online walkie-talkie app) group I am currently participating in.  Passionate educators from across the country are making time to share their thoughts and perspectives about the book All In: Taking a Gamble in Education by Kristen Nan and Jacie Maslyk, all while engaging in various other topics in education.  It is important for me to put myself out there and continue to grow so that I can be the best I can be in my position as an Instructional Coach.  A major focus of my job is to stay on top of the latest research and instructional practices, continuously build relationships, connect, network, collaborate, be reflective, stretch teachers’  thinking about the impact that they can have on the social, emotional, and academic growth of their students, not to mention inspire and motivate them to push the envelope in order to be the best versions of themselves.  For me, these Voxer groups have been my way to escape to a professional playground that invites nerdy conversations, allows me to share my voice freely, and has also challenged me to think differently about the organizations we work in including our colleagues, the students, and community we serve.  I actually yearn for these networks, crave these intellectual discussions, and thrive on developing relationships and expanding my PLN (professional learning network) with other passionate educators from around the country.  

And then…”We interrupt this regularly scheduled program to bring you this message…”

Collaborative Efforts

It was Friday, March 13th, 2020, a day I will never forget. This day looked very different Monday-Thursday of that very same week. It was a day of the unknown, as new information about the COVID-19 pandemic was trickling in on a moment to moment basis. That morning, my instructional coach team and I felt this incredible sense of urgency,  as we were about to help facilitate and create “At Home Learning Plans” for our elementary schools. We were enthusiastic about taking on the challenge, but knew that we had limited time to complete an unbelievable amount of important work due to a half-day schedule. The information had to be disseminated to families and students that same day; yet we walked into the administration building of my school district calmly, focused, and ready to support the endeavor.  Our collaborative efforts with our Assistant Superintendent for Curriculum and Instruction and a dedicated team of educators from across the school district were about to go into action. 

A Network of Trust

As educators, we tend to like a sense of control and like to know what to expect (for the most part).  On this day, we were walking into the unknown and were navigating the uncharted waters of at-home learning. It was the most organized, peaceful chaos you have ever seen.  The waters were a bit rough as we took over the Curriculum and Instruction office and administration conference room, ready to WORK; printing, organizing, debating, sharing all while the clock was ticking. It was a half-day of school and we needed to get these materials out, and collectively, we trusted… YES, TRUSTED each other!! At times it felt like we were building an airplane while we were flying it…but we did it and magic certainly happened all while keeping the students at the core of the work!  

Productive Distraction

Moments later, we rushed to the print shop and as my fellow coaches and I waited for the “Home Learning Plans” to be printed, we turned to our #ALLinEDU Voxer chat for the most productive distraction we could count on!  Professional growth is a part of who we are, so it was natural for us to reach out to our PLN for comfort. We discussed the book, we voxed, we laughed, we discussed our need to get all of the essential necessities if school closure was imminent, and even managed to take a picture to commemorate this moment in history.  

A Promise

As we walked to our cars that day, we made a promise to stay connected, to check in on one another and continue to push each other to share information and maintain our love of learning together.  And, if this would be the last memory we would have collaborating in person as an Instructional Coach team, (my school district is eliminating the role due to budget constraints), I would be unbelievably proud of our collaborative efforts that day…in fact, it would be a day I’d never forget.

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Christine LaMarca, Lauren Kaufman, and Natasha Nurse 
The Long Beach Public Schools Coach Team

Lauren Kaufman is an elementary Instructional Coach for the Long Beach Public Schools in Long Island, NY. She is a lifelong learner who is passionate about sharing best literacy practices with colleagues and wholeheartedly believes in job-embedded professional learning for professional growth.

Domain 2: Classroom Environment, Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities, Personal Learning

Intentionally Positive

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As the “ALL IN” book study kicked off, the questions that were laid on the table were thought provoking and reflective all at the same time. I would have never looked at Bets 1-10 and found these very questions to be the ones to light up a conversation, but they did just that. Intentionally, positive… these two words are what struck me the hardest when combined into one single thought. These two words are the ones that my mind raced back to with each response that came through.

Intentional

The word intentional was embraced in a variety of ways. With some being intentional about the relationships that they built, while others being intentional about keeping balance between nurturing others’ needs and their own. There was not a “right or wrong” in this conversation, but a solid respect for the perspective that each of us took. We were “sitting down at the same table” and having real conversations. From the perspective of admin to teacher to support staff… it was all there and we were “all in” listening to each other’s take on being intentional. Whether it was actually said, or possibly my mind just computed it this way, I was left reconsidering how being positive affects others.

Positive

I am positive that I have a fresh take on this one word! To know that there are educators at all levels doing everything they can to bring out the best in others is so incredibly uplifting. We see it on social media and hear it in chats, but this study has brought about a way of thinking to which pushes my own and that is what I thrive on! Being positive is a choice for many on more days than others realize. The poker face is one that gives us each pause as we realize that even though it may not be intended, that a poker face can be a cultural bust. Even though it may be the one way to hold back what is truly behind those eyes, someone else has already written your story with one glance. On the flip-side, it can be a necessity… one that is a gift of respect in a way of handling a moment. One that does not need explanation. In the big picture, if a poker face is the norm, then the norm is the perception other’s are having. Regardless of our role, in order to create positive relationships, we must allow others in at one point or another.

Are you intentional with connecting with your colleagues? If so what kind of impact has it had?

How does having a positive attitude impact your role? Does a poker face help or hinder?

#2MenAndABook is comprised of Matt Larson and Ricardo Garcia, two principals that continue to shake it up within education by giving each of us a place for safe and vulnerable discussion surrounding incredible topics and books. Some books have been full-blown educational, while others are not, but the common thread is pure goodness, positive push-back and the challenging of one’s thoughts to think beyond our own perspective.

Are you ALL IN?

Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities, Personal Learning

Priceless Moments of Gratitude

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As I sit here in the airport, attempting to wrap my head around the last seven days of my life, I am in awe of the priceless moments of genuine gratitude I have felt within my soul.  The one thing that I know is that the kind of impact that I just embraced in Miami this past week could never have happened on its own. I have daily conversations about being intentional, finding balance, keeping self care at the forefront, contributing as much if not more than I consume, and the list goes on and on.  This week I accomplished each of these and more. Each moment counted… every single one!

When I think about the amount of opportunity I have been afforded by my administration, students, community, colleagues and yes, my incredible, selfless family I literally become overwhelmed with emotion. This is how much WE love children. This is how much WE are willing to invest in OUR future. This is the value WE place on education.

My heart beats a thousand beats a minute as I pour my passion into words attempting to type as fast as my brain is processing. It is this moment I am choosing to sit and allow each moment to wash over me so that I may feel the gratitude that humbles me to appreciate those that made this happen…

for me

for my students

for others

for the risk-taker, the dream-maker, the chance taker, the fearless and the fearful.

Yes, the fearful. That is me too. The one that just had so much new learning poured into me that I fear my brain will never remember it all or that I will forget how to execute it the way it was presented. See, I too fear, just as the amazing educators that found their way into my workshops this week bubbling over to learn something new. But that fear, the kind that gets in the way of opportunity, let it wash over you all the same… let it speak to your soul. It is that fear that reminds us that change is here. It is that fear that reminds us we have something incredibly important to embrace as our responsibility for the future we have chosen to help create. It is that fear that is yet another priceless moment of gratitude, for it is through that fear that we will embrace the best version of ourselves.

5 days of leading and learning #FETC

2 days with my god-daughter, Maddie #miamihurricanes

7 days of priceless moments of gratitude

Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities, Personal Learning

#OneWord2020: MOMENT

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The Gift of a Moment

The moment you realize it is right in front of you and all you have to do is embrace it, the gift! That gift may come in the smallest of packages or so large that you need two more people to help you lift it, nonetheless it is a gift that you will miss out on if you do not embrace the moment. Two years ago I chose GOODNESS for my #OneWord as it resonated with me through the act of someone’s kindness. Last year, I moved from the feeling of goodness to the action of OWNit to which I challenged myself to contribute more than I consume. As I reflect back on both of these words and the blogs that I wrote, I see the MOMENT I was attempting to embrace.

this year

this word

every moment

Small Package Moments

I suppose it is all in the eye of the beholder as to how small or big a moment feels, but for me, these are the quick and candid times that I never see coming… the small package moments. These are the unplanned, unforeseen, or unnoticed times that may get past me when I am not in the moment of life. This holiday season, I saw each one so clearly… big and small!

A Smile

I never seem to pass up the feeling of a smile that speaks to my heart, a small gift that comes my way. It is one of the kindest moments shared between two people. As I shopped this holiday season, I took in every smile and allowed it to sink in and warm my heart. It was a reminder that these moments I am living in are such a gift to me. I wouldn’t be able to shop if I didn’t have the means to do so and I wouldn’t have people to buy for if I didn’t have loved ones in my world. I wouldn’t have conversations without someone taking the time for me and I wouldn’t know the joy I may be able to give if I didn’t look up to see their smile. These smiles are small moments. Each one fuels my soul and I do my best to pass it on to the next person I encounter.

eye contact

one smile

fuel a soul

A Laugh

When my children laugh I can feel it to my core. Whether it is a “boy moment” or one that we all create together as a family, it has a way of navigating my entire mind leaving me chuckling for hours to come. What isn’t lost on me is the joy of living that brings about these moments. Our journey over the last 2 holidays was overshadowed by loss, leaving a void where laughter was once filled. This year, in place of feeling the loss, I feel the gain. The gain of those here with me and the joyful spirit of those that no longer are. My moments are not just with my home family, but with my work family as well. There was once a time when I would be in a hurry to leave my staff Christmas party.  Not because I didn’t want to be there, but because I couldn’t bring myself to live in the moment.  My mind would race to the list of holiday goodness yet to be bought or the mounds of wrapping that were hidden from plain sight.  This year, however, I took it in. I heard the laughter roar across the room and felt myself smiling and laughing without even knowing what had truly transpired.  It was a reminder that happiness is right here and that it is my choice to

feel it

embrace it

take it in

A Thought

A fleeting thought. That is what it is to me, but I stop and embrace it for what it is and share it with those I am thinking of in that very moment. It has happened more than I expected or maybe more than I had realized ever before. At times it is a feeling, other times it is something I see that reminds me of someone or simply a memory that resurfaces. No matter what it is I have been trying to take the time to reach out to the person. That thought put into action rekindles some relationships while nurturing others. It isn’t that I have been too consumed to have the thought before, I just let it go at that and did not put it into action until now.

a phone call

a tweet

a direct message

a vox

a note

an action gifted by a thought

Big Package Moments

The big package moments are what I receive when embracing the small ones. These moments occur with friends, family, acquaintances, coworkers and strangers alike.

A Moment in Time

I was blessed to travel to Nashville, Tennessee to visit my brother and his family as the holiday was being kicked off in November.  At the time, I was preparing for my first ever book launch, had not even started my Christmas shopping, had a 2.5-hour workshop to create on a topic I had not presented before and my house was in need of my attention, along with the endless loads of laundry strewn about my basement floor.  I knew that this moment in time maybe something that I cannot get back so I chose to take in everything that my visit had to offer. I did not let my to-do list get the best of me and I even made a conscious effort to walk, relax, and sleep in! There were laughs, smiles, and an abundance of positive thoughts that we each got swept up in together! Although my family left feeling the warmth and love of our time with loved ones, it was a phone call days later that gave me pause.  My brother phoned to tell me that he and his family needed that visit more than I will ever know. He didn’t elaborate, but the message was clear. This was a big package moment.

Another moment in time was the day of my book launch.  I was nervous in the most exciting way possible, yet a fear crept over me that the world was about to view my heart and possibly not like what they see.  I had a last-minute meeting scheduled for a student, or so I thought, and I was trying to make it all happen without a breakdown.  I was determined to get to school, settle in, stay on top of the book launch challenge, and be an effective teacher, all while taking in the moment I had worked so incredibly hard for… oh, and do it with grace.   As I was focused on getting paperwork together for my “meeting” my colleagues put the finishing touches on the celebration they masterminded for Jacie and me. I was quickly scooped up and sent to meet another teacher before I had enough time to say anything at all.  When I entered the room for the surprise celebration,

I saw smiles

I heard laughter

my thoughts were scattered, endless, and full of emotion, and I felt a love that was ALL IN!

Most recently, my #4OCFpln family started a spreadsheet listing each of our #OneWord2020 choices. I told them I would pray about it as it hadn’t come to me so easily this year. I left my hometown and headed for the Omni Bedford Springs in Bedford, PA to create new memories with my family. I was a bit apprehensive, as this was our first visit without mom and I wasn’t sure how it would unfold or whether I would have any control over the outcome. All I knew was that my family needed me focused on them and that my one word would have to go on my perpetual to-do list. As we entered the town, a warm feeling came over my family. No-one said a word, they just smiled as they looked out the window. We stopped for lunch, and it was there that we were lost in thought and started sharing some of our fondest memories of Nana. Those memories created by moments that gifted us an abundance of love. As the weekend unfolded, we switched up our traditional routine and opened ourselves up to new ideas, ones that led to laughter and joy. As the weekend came to a close, I sat in a chase-lounge down one my favorite corridors of the hotel and opened up a journal I had gifted to mom the summer of 2017. It was something to help her regain her focus. A way of making a choice to see the good around her when her world felt so dark with uncertainty. I open it often and reread some of the moments she captured. I had no idea that the small gift I was giving mom that day would eventually be one of the biggest gifts for me to receive. I hold onto her words and live in each moment as if I am reading them for the first time. It is the cover that spoke to me this time. When I picked it out, I knew mom needed a reminder to live in her final days and so when I stumbled across the cover of her journal I knew it was perfect for her. It reads,

MAKE

THIS

MOMENT

COUNT

The Moment of Truth

This moment in time is a stark reminder of what I may miss out on when I become laser-focused on life, my goals, and at times my loss in place of my gain. What I realize is that I can’t make it all happen without something or someone suffering along the way. There must be give and take in my life if I am going to make this moment count! The moment of truth is in front of me.

I may pass up a phone call in order to be present in a conversation.

I may skip my favorite Twitter Chats in order to make time for family in my evenings.

I may say no without apology.

I may have to skip blogging to create a workshop.

I must live without regret.

I must reserve judgment.

I must have grace.

I must lead with humility.

I must advocate for every child, including my own, when needed.

I must continue to contribute more than I consume.

I must redefine my focus.

I MUST MAKE THIS MOMENT COUNT!

Domain 2: Classroom Environment, Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities, Personal Learning

Stepping Into the Light: OCD/Mental Health Awareness

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the serious one… the humorous one

the focused… the squirrel chaser

the rule follower… the teenager

the brave 15 year old, who stepped into the light, leaving the elephant in his shadow

the one who has added awareness to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, is now 17

my incredible son, Trent

At the age of 15, Trent was just beginning to see life differently… the life he was gifted, not burdened by. The one that he shared responsibility in. The one he was able to take charge of, given the right tools. In 2017, he asked me to talk about “The Elephant in the Room.” He wanted me to share his story. The thing is, he didn’t want me to share it so that I had something to blog about. He didn’t want me to share it so that he could obtain likes and shares within social media. As a matter of fact, not once has he ever even asked me if it was even read.

He simply wanted others to know they were not alone.

Leading up to this point, he had been consumed with thoughts for so long that he had almost forgotten what life was like when he himself could turn it around. The time when he felt a sense of control. As an 8-year-old child, he was in need of skills. The kind of skills that we weren’t prepared to teach him. The kind of skills that would take years of practice. There was no “quick fix.” My teaching background urged me to dial the phone for help, while my husband’s hand wanted to hang it up. Not because he didn’t want to help, but because he only knew how to keep personal worries and concerns to himself. He knew how to push forward with a tough mindset and resiliency. He knew how to break within the privacy of his own space and forge ahead projecting strength, even when he didn’t have it. He thought that it would be the same way for Trent. He thought Trent would grow and be the man we were wanting to raise him to be or more like how we wanted to raise him. Trent would do just that, but in order to get there he needed a different upbringing, different supports.

The elephant was sitting right there, staring at us in full control. He had us running around making everything perfect so Trent wouldn’t hurt. He had us walking on eggshells, just trying to get through a dinner out with family and friends. He had us working overtime to create the “perfect scenario” in hope that Trent would survive the moment, whatever moment that was on that day. He was in charge… not us, not Trent, but the elephant in the room.

Then the day came that my husband knew it was bigger than us and my hand freely reached for the phone once again.

As Trent has aged, he has grown stronger than ever. That is not to say that his life is easy, or without the whack-a-mole effect of OCD, but “the elephant” is no longer his best friend. It is actually not even a friend at all. It is more like an acquaintance. One that passes through, but does not dictate his world. Impacts it, yes. Challenges it, most definitely. Creates walls in place of bridges, yes… but the difference is he knocks them down over and over again. He now takes full advantage of the strength within his OCD, as he knows it will always be a part of his world. Now he finds positive use for it. Obsessing over his grades so that he can maintain high scholastic standing. Obsessing over the next big catch, as fishing eases his mind. Knowing how to distract when OCD wants to gain attention. If you ask him how he got this strong, he will tell you that his family loved him like no other, but that without therapy he would not be able to answer that question to it’s entirety. Therapy has given him a new lease on life, one with conviction and strength. Reaching out to the experts was the best decision we had ever made.

Some ask me, how I handled it as a mom.  How did I “handle” watching my son painfully navigate his world of anxiety.   My reply… the best that I could. That is where I myself took pause. “The best I could!” Was my best enough?  The answer was no. My best could never have brought Trent to where he is today. Yes, I had a background that was very supportive of Trent’s needs, but to truly be the best mom I could be, I needed to see beyond my strengths and value the ones that were one phone call away.  One call away to make an appointment for therapy.  My role as his mom was to give him the opportunity.

As we talked to others about this, we felt the cringe. The secret society that we just entered. The judgement being made in place of support. I’m not sure how or when the term “therapy” became such a cringe-maker in society, but to me it was a gift that I was ready to open.

So I ask you, are you going to be the one that tries to break him by cringing over the topic of therapy? Are you going to be the one spotlighting your “perfections” so that he questions why he is incapable of such a high non-existing standard? Are you going to judge him for being brave enough to share in this very conversation?

Or are YOU going to be the one driven for a better tomorrow by walking alongside my son as he ventures into this world contributing to the society that you helped to create?

Let me ask you something. As an educator do you find yourself opening doors of possibility for others? Do you try to link passion to purpose? Do you try to teach the whole child and then tell others to do it too? Do you speak at conferences about Project Based Learning, Universal Design for Learning, Building Character, Creating Leaders and Making Changes for the Betterment of Education? Do you sit on your own thoughts to stop and listen to others speak so that you can learn more about their WHY, their purpose? Do you take time to network because relationships matter to you? Do you want to be better?

If you said yes to any one of these questions, I ask you then… do you have conversations about the gift of therapy? Do you engage in tough conversations? Do you open yourself up to vulnerability, either to allow your story out or to let someone else’s in?

As long as we lead others to believe that this is a taboo topic, a private conversation, something that we attach shame and guilt to, what good is the rest? What are we really trying to say or not say? Are we truly equipped to function in the society we have helped to build without the supports of those passionate about the whole person, the mind, the balance, the brain, mental illness, social emotional learning and so much more?

In education we do not get a free pass on our impact. We will create an impact and it is up to us if it will be positive or negative. Where do you stand on this? Are you having conversations about self-care, mindfulness, and balance? I am asking you to amplify those conversations… to be courageous. I am asking you to open your heart and mind, and use your ability to make change by having conversations about the importance of therapy. For educators looking to prepare kids for their future role in society, you must do your part to remove the judgement cast. Then and only then can we build up human growth and potential by walking in one’s shoes.

While attending #TeachBetter19 this past weekend, I continued to build my professional growth portfolio, but even more I made incredible friendships. I witnessed a truth and vulnerability like never before among educators. You could feel the sense of comfort, acceptance and care in every room that you walked through. Towards the end, I started to get pulled into private conversations revolving around this topic, the elephant, OCD, mental illness, therapy, and Trent’s bravery. Each conversation came with pain, emotion, emptiness, questioning, and a whisper. Yes, our personal lives are private and we hold these conversations close to our heart, but I am left wondering if we can turn up the volume just a little bit. How has my son found the strength to tell his friends, family, and acquaintances and we are left with a whisper?

As I left the conference I heard my name being called one last time. It was then that I knew my purpose was clearly being conveyed. It was then that I knew I was being seen for the imperfect human I am… and it filled my soul. That’s when they said, “Thank you for being vulnerable, you will never know how much I needed to hear this today.” They went on to say, “you are always smiling and so positive that I would have never known if you wouldn’t have shared. You give me hope.”

I challenge you to follow my 17-year-old son’s lead. I challenge you to share vulnerability. I challenge you to better yourself and others by spotlighting the whole child.

Let’s give HOPE

Domain 1: Planning and Preparation, Domain 2: Classroom Environment, Domain 3: Instruction, Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities

Self Awareness-Mastering One’s Self

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It started off as a typical day. I was ready to take on the world and create moments for every child along the way. Groups were being made. Goals were being set. Then came the hesitation. I started to question if they were “ready” for the experience with a new app, a class challenge, or the choice to delve into a passion project of their own. Were they ready to level up their learning and open the class restaurant on a weekly basis? Were they ready? Was I ready? My hesitation was my answer, but I just couldn’t leave it at that. Why weren’t they ready? Was it me? Was it them? What was it that stuck in my gut as a red flag, if you will. That was when it hit me… their lack of self-awareness was invading our learning space and I needed to shed light on a topic foreign to the list of 3rd grade standards written out in my daily lesson plan.

We set daily goals, but are my students clear on their strengths and weaknesses? Are they sensitive to how they project themselves on others or take away from one’s focus and ability to learn? Are they aware of how their actions and choices are pieces to their very own puzzle? If I had to answer that honestly, my answer would be no. It was then that I thought of a method that I used to use with my son, Trent when his OCD would rear its ugly head and trigger rituals that needed his awareness to help fight for himself. We would have him use a post-it-note to track each time he gave in to the ritual by making tallies. After adding several tallies to the note, it would create an awareness of the issue at hand and help him recognize that change was needed to forge ahead. Somehow this simple method built a foundation of self-awareness that in turn opened doors of opportunity to build confidence and pride in one’s own actions. This is what my students were in need of… starting today!

Post-it-notes were handed out and a line was drawn through the middle of each. We were ready to begin. “Today we are going to take the time to give ourselves credit for all the things we must hold ourselves accountable for to be empowered and productive learners,” I said with an upbeat tone. Ears were open and eyes were wide. I went on to ask simple questions like…

Has anyone ever felt a step behind because they were having a sidebar conversation or may have even drifted into thought? many hands were raised

Has anyone ever felt like there should be more time in their day or simply wonder where the moments went? many hands were raised

Has anyone ever wondered what their parents would think of the decisions that were made without them to guide or instruct? many hands were raised

Have any of you ever had your parents get frustrated because you didn’t “hear” them or acknowledge them the first time spoken to? eyes shifted to friends sitting nearby and hands went up at a rapid pace

Has anyone visualized their future self? What are you willing to do to make that vision a reality? Was that a light-bulb moment I just witnessed?

I then said, “With each directive that I give over the course of the next 40 minutes, I want you to give yourself a tally above the line if you follow the directive without redirection or restating. If I redirect or restate, place a tally below. Remember, this is not what is good vs bad, but what we are honing in on as our strengths vs what we are in need of making stronger. “

“But what if someone sees our tallies?,” one asked. “That is a fabulous question, I replied. I speak of respect every day and how we show that by keeping conversations between us, but I must tell you that your peers already see your tallies each and every day through your own choices and actions that you so freely give.” a quizzical look settled over their faces

Let’s begin!

I watched their eyes go straight for me as I began to speak. I watched their pencils go down when I gave directions. Tallies were being placed above the line and the momentum of goodness was on fire inside each one of them. Moments were rolling by, and I watched as many of them responded with a tally below the line when they found themselves off task or not engaged in their own learning. It was working. Self-awareness was coming to life right in front of my eyes.

As we headed to special, I told them that this new “thing” we are working on is our own little tool and we were about to test it out without the post-it nearby to give us our visual reminder. The beauty was in their faces when I picked them up and heard the raving of goodness shared on their behalf.

“This is amazing,” one said.

“This is showing me a lot about myself,” said another.

“I have so much choice,” stated with such conviction from yet another.

Yes, boys and girls. With each moment of self-awareness, we build confidence.

We build PRIDE!

We continued on with our tallies towards a new and better self. The kind we visualize for our future!

We are ready… bring on the next challenge!

Domain 1: Planning and Preparation, Domain 2: Classroom Environment, Domain 3: Instruction, Domain 4: Professional Responsibilities

Small Town Vibe

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You know the small-town vibe that you get when you are passing through… if you blink you will miss it.

One restaurant

One traffic light… no, make that one stop sign

One grocery store

One way

I am currently in a book study hosted by #2menandabook on “Relentless: Changing Lives by Disrupting the Educational Norm” by Hamish Brewer. Recently, my dear friend Jennifer Ledford shared her small town experience in her reflection regarding her purpose. For as many positives as she has experienced, she went on to say,

The problem with living in a small town, especially when you don’t have the best childhood experience, is that everyone knows. My purpose was a little clouded because of what was going on with my family.

Jennifer Ledford

WOW! This reflection truly resonated with me. It made me think of how small our classrooms can be if we don’t recognize the whole child and how lost they may feel in finding their purpose. We may not be able to control outside factors for every child like Jennifer or my own childhood self, but we have full control over ourselves and the way we help to build a positive experience each day for each student that we are privileged to work with.

Big City Impact With A Small Town Vibe

If we really want to create impact, the big city kind with choices around every bend, we must allow room for life experiences that come packaged in the size of a child. Imagine if our room felt like that small town, where everyone knows you and your story… not the kind that builds relationships, but rather the judgmental kind that adds roadblocks in place of detours. There is a simple way to shine the spotlight on every child so that their small town classroom experience is loving, supportive, and full of understanding that allows for a new day and a new choice around every bend.

Building the Right Reputation

As the adult in charge, helping a child build a reputation is not only a privilege but a professional responsibility. This is a deal-breaker on how a child views themselves, reacts and lives up to their potential by thriving on their purpose that they are most likely still searching for in their world. The question is, how do we handle behavior so that we can cultivate a positive reputation for each child with their peers, staff members, and for themselves? A positive reputation builds confidence and helps a child recognize that poor choices are lessons in life, not defining. Have we forgotten that is how we too have learned (and still do). These very lessons help to build resilience and the potential for goal setting that leads to growth.

We need to ask ourselves how we handle this very delicate matter. Do we treat it like a coat that can be switched out in a minute’s notice or a layer of skin that becomes a part of who they are? A child’s behavior should be personal… a one to one conversation wrapped up in care, love, and respect. The behavior itself is their story… a road map if you will, to what that child needs. It is a way for them to express themselves and often times it comes out poorly when they do not feel valued and invested in with a strong relationship that will love them through unconditionally. In the end, we share in the responsibility of how that child’s reputation builds up from day one, as we are the adult in charge with an opportunity at hand. Let’s not forget, a child’s reputation is not the only one being shaped when we choose how to respond. Let’s create a big city impact with a small, positive vibe!

Let me leave you with my childhood hero’s words. Mr. Rogers, a Pittsburgh native and role model for all parents, always invited me into his small town neighborhood where he created a big city impact on my world. This was my safe place, where he reminded me that he loved me “just the way I was”.

Our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable EACH ONE OF US REALLY IS, that each of us has something that no one else has – or ever will have – something inside that is unique to all time. It’s our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.

MISTER Rogers