More than a word
More powerful than a year
My eyes have seen so much in my lifetime and my heart has felt each and every single moment. This is my story, one of circumstances, courage, love, and faith. I have seen the purest of love, felt laughter that has come from my toes, and have also had to refocus my faith at times when life didn’t feel as easy as I had hoped. My start in this world has always guided my journey… It has been my foundation, my compass, and my saving grace. I must never forget where I came from as it was there that my faith saved my soul.
To have complete trust
have full confidence
commit without reservation
My faith didn’t start as other Christians may share. For me, my journey in my faith was an escape from my own reality, one that fear dominated all of my senses. With fear, came a smaller world to live in and that was not what my heart was looking for… but someone once told me that fear and faith cannot live in the same home and it was from that point that trust had to be built for the grand living I had planned in my head!
I was committed to finding a better me.
The day came… I was but a child, and my neighbors offered to pick me up each Sunday and take me to church. They had noticed my family had gone on occasion to another local church, but not consistently and they wanted to offer this opportunity to me. All I had to do was be ready and waiting at the bottom of the driveway each Sunday. All I could think of was if they see potential in me, I need to open my eyes and see it too! I built up the courage and jumped on the chance. I made sure I was ready and waiting. Not because I was a good Christian girl, but because it gave me an opportunity to see beyond myself… to be around a place of calm when most often my own life was feeling nothing short of chaos. This experience was leading to a better me and I could feel it inside, filling me up. I would sit down in the pew and soak in every word being said. I would open up the hymnal and sing every song as if my heart had written each one. I believed if I looked for better in the world, I would see it. I didn’t know what shape it took or if I would know when it was right in front of me, but what I did learn quickly was how it made me feel and that was something I always recognized… it was a sense of trust, belief, confidence, and commitment. My FAITH was starting to grow inside me and I was no longer seeing the world through a lens of fear. I was but a child, age 7-8 , and I was certain that I wanted to be a part of something so much bigger than me.
Love steers so much of what I do. As the years have passed, my faith has been lifted, beautified, rattled, and at times felt like it had been crushed. I am most certain the biggest reason my faith has waivered has been because of how deeply I love. From the chaotic world we live in to the loss of dear loved ones, not to mention the ups and downs of raising children (which in itself is the scariest experience ever as we try to be the best parents possible to each of them individually), all while trying our best to live a life of goodness, balance, one of faith… one that serves.
As I age, I can now see that it is not a dark cloud that life hangs over me at times or that I was dealt a hand worse off than another… this. is. life. It is my life and in order to see the good around me, I must be the good around me. I must look for it, create it, and hold on to my faith to strengthen it.
This is my path. This is my journey. This is my heart. This is my faith.