I woke up a bit off balance …
Lists pinned up. Post-its stuck to every surface. Notes upon notes in my iPhone. Calendar alerts set. Focused? No, not yet.
Time with family. Time with friends. Time to my classroom. Time given to the holidays. Time to PD. Time volunteered. Time to my passions. Not enough time.
Each time I give, what do I take away? Why do I add on in place of exchanging? I ask myself these questions each time I find myself a bit off-balance. I feel my emotions surfacing and am about to lose control. This is when I feel like I’ve been set up for failure… by myself! Never enough time.
Everything is a choice, isn’t it? Well, maybe not EVERYTHING! So, is this really a priority issue for myself? Do you ever ask yourself these questions? Questions that wrestle with your why?
I know my WHY… my why for life… my why for family… my why for education. But WHY do I struggle with balancing my WHYS…
because I am PASSIONATE! My soul nurtures my passions for life! I am that person… I am blessed with a love for life. I am the one who can never get enough time in a day to do everything that I possibly want to do… to make, create, share, listen, reflect… to achieve!
To know me… to truly know me, is to accept that I continuously have a fire burning inside me that will rage out of control if not given an outlet. To know me is to understand that I can never walk away from the flame. The one that warms me most often. The one that burns me at times. The one that lights the world on fire when I focus my heart and soul on what I am passionate about.
So when I feel off balance, I go to my survival instinct. The instinct that nurtured me through childhood. The one that empowered me. The one I relied on when I was my only resource. The instinct to stop and regroup… I adjust. I kinda clean sweep my life removing what hasn’t paid off. I need this space back. I need to regroup!
It’s like cleaning out my closet. If I haven’t worn in over the last few months, guaranteed it is just taking up space.
It is pitching files in my classroom that have no value or relevance to how my classroom moves forward.
It is taking a look at how I feel after spending time with people and reflecting on whether I am renewed or left spent.
It is weighing out my needs versus my wants.
This is when I regain focus. When I find my way back to my WHYS.
What I needed was simple. This past week I took time to mourn the loss of my beloved pet… my Chocolate Lab Sarge. He only had one single why in life and that was loving my beautiful family. Then, I took time to open up a book and allow the words to resonate with me in place of reading just to read. I created one of my family’s favorite mommy meals of Chicken Piccata on a busy school night. I stopped by a couple of Animal Rescues and looked into the eyes of sweet precious dogs that are ready to fulfill their own why in life. I created my long awaited class website that is now ready for student blogging.
I re-calibrated my heart.
I found my way back to my whys.
I am balanced again.
I got close to the flame, I warmed up, and let the fire burn.